Bullying can have a significant effect on a child’s emotional well-being.
It may happen at school, during activities, in friendship groups, in the neighbourhood, or online. For some children, digital communication means bullying can follow them home rather than ending when the school day finishes.
Not every disagreement between children is bullying.
Friendship conflicts and arguments are normal parts of growing up. Bullying generally involves repeated harmful behaviour and may include an imbalance of power that makes it difficult for the targeted child to defend themselves.
Parents may not always know it is happening.
Children sometimes hide bullying because they feel embarrassed, fear retaliation, worry that adults will make things worse, or believe they should be able to deal with it themselves.
Recognising changes in behaviour can help parents notice when something may be wrong.
What Can Bullying Look Like?
Bullying can take different forms.
Physical bullying may include hitting, pushing, damaging possessions, or other physical intimidation.
Verbal bullying can involve insults, threats, humiliating comments, or repeated teasing.
Social bullying may involve deliberately excluding someone, spreading rumours, or encouraging others to reject them.
Cyberbullying can include abusive messages, humiliating posts, impersonation, sharing private information, or harassment through social media, games, or messaging platforms.
Different forms can occur together.
Warning Signs Your Child May Be Experiencing Bullying
Possible changes include:
▪ Suddenly avoiding school
▪ Unexplained injuries
▪ Missing or damaged belongings
▪ Withdrawal from friends
▪ Changes in sleep or appetite
▪ Frequent headaches or stomach aches
▪ Declining school performance
▪ Increased irritability or sadness
▪ Loss of confidence
▪ Becoming secretive about devices
None of these signs proves that bullying is occurring.
They are signals that something deserves attention.
Why Children May Not Tell Their Parents
Children sometimes fear that reporting bullying will make them look weak.
Others worry parents will immediately contact the school, confiscate their phone, confront another family, or take action without consulting them.
Older children may particularly value having some involvement in decisions about what happens next.
Tell your child that speaking up is not causing trouble.
It is asking for help with a situation they should not have to manage alone.
How to Start the Conversation
Choose a private, calm moment.
Instead of asking only, “Are you being bullied?” try broader questions.
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem excited about seeing your friends lately. Has something happened?”
“Who do you spend time with at lunch?”
“Is anyone making school difficult for you?”
Give your child time to answer.
Do not blame them or ask why they did not tell you sooner.
Listen Before Taking Action
If your child tells you they are being bullied, listen carefully.
Thank them for telling you.
Avoid immediately telling them to fight back or ignore it.
Ask what has happened, how often it happens, who is involved, where it occurs, and whether they feel physically unsafe.
Explain that you may need to involve other adults to keep them safe, but include them in the process where appropriate for their age.
Document What Is Happening
Keep a record of incidents.
Include dates, locations, what happened, who was involved, and any witnesses the child mentions.
For cyberbullying, preserve relevant messages, screenshots, usernames, or other evidence where appropriate.
Documentation can make it easier to explain the pattern when speaking with a school or organisation.
Work With the School
Contact the appropriate teacher, counsellor, safeguarding lead, or school administrator.
Focus on the behaviour and its impact rather than beginning with confrontation.
Ask what procedures the school has for investigating and responding to bullying.
Agree on how progress will be monitored and when you will follow up.
If the initial response does not resolve the problem, use the school’s escalation procedures.
Avoid Encouraging Retaliation
Parents may understandably feel angry when their child is being hurt.
However, encouraging physical retaliation can escalate the situation and create additional problems.
Instead, help children practise assertive responses, move towards safe adults or friends, and report incidents.
The appropriate strategy will depend on the child’s age and circumstances.
Support Their Confidence Outside the Situation
Bullying can make children feel isolated or defective.
Remind your child that someone else’s harmful behaviour does not determine their value.
Maintain activities and relationships where they feel competent and accepted.
A supportive sports team, hobby, friendship group, extended family relationship, or community can provide an important sense of belonging.
Cyberbullying Requires a Digital Response
Online bullying may require additional practical steps.
Depending on the situation, children may need to block accounts, adjust privacy settings, report abusive content, or preserve evidence before removing messages.
Avoid automatically taking away your child’s device as punishment for telling you.
They may interpret this as losing their social connection because someone else behaved badly.
Instead, work together on making online spaces safer.
Monitor the Emotional Impact
Bullying can contribute to anxiety, low self-esteem, school avoidance, sleep difficulties, depression, and other emotional problems.
Continue checking in even after the immediate incidents appear to stop.
Some children recover quickly once the situation improves.
Others need additional emotional support.
A counsellor, psychologist, or other qualified mental health professional can help when distress persists.
What if Your Child Is Bullying Someone Else?
Parents may also discover that their own child has harmed another child.
Take the behaviour seriously without labelling the child as permanently “bad.”
Try to understand what happened and why.
Clear consequences may be appropriate, but children also need to learn empathy, accountability, conflict resolution, and how to repair harm where possible.
Work with the school or relevant organisation rather than simply becoming defensive.
When Does Bullying Become an Emergency?
Seek immediate help if your child is in physical danger, has been seriously assaulted, receives credible threats, or expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Statements such as “I don’t want to be here anymore” should not be dismissed as drama or attention-seeking.
Take them seriously and obtain urgent professional support.
Frequently Asked Questions
How is bullying different from a normal disagreement?
Bullying usually involves repeated harmful behaviour and often an imbalance of power. Ordinary disagreements can be upsetting but do not necessarily involve ongoing intimidation or targeting.
What should I say if my child tells me they are being bullied?
Listen, thank them for telling you, reassure them that they deserve support, gather information calmly, and explain the next steps needed to help keep them safe.
Should I contact the other child’s parents?
It is often better to begin with the school or organisation responsible for the children, particularly when emotions are high. Direct confrontation can sometimes escalate the situation.
Should I take away my child’s phone if cyberbullying occurs?
Not automatically. Preserve evidence and address safety, privacy, blocking, and reporting. Removing the device may make a child reluctant to report future problems.
When should my child see a mental health professional?
Consider professional support when bullying leads to persistent anxiety, withdrawal, low mood, school refusal, sleep problems, loss of confidence, or other significant emotional changes.
